You’ve likely come across those supportive mental health messages outlining what we can control and what we can’t. Generally, I agree with most of what’s on those lists, except for one phrase that always bothers me: “you can control your thoughts.” This idea has caused much distress because it often drives people to therapy—they want to rid themselves of unwanted thoughts and feelings. Social media and cultural norms reinforce this by promoting the idea of controlling thoughts and labeling certain thoughts and feelings as abnormal. Shifting our mindset could help us cope better with these challenges. Instead of expending energy trying to banish these thoughts, we can acknowledge them and let them pass, even if they’re uncomfortable. By identifying and naming these thoughts (“I’m feeling anxious about tomorrow’s meeting with my boss”), we can step back and observe them objectively—recognizing them as signals from our brain, normalizing them (“many people would feel anxious in this situation”). We can also practice self-compassion, treating ourselves as we would a dear friend—acknowledging difficult moments (“that was a tough time, and it saddens me to think about it”) rather than criticizing ourselves (“I’m foolish for dwelling on the past”). These approaches may help manage unwanted thoughts and feelings. Ultimately, while we might not control our thoughts directly, we can always choose how we respond to them.